When we are consumed by grief, we may feel we are the only persons hurting, and we may not notice the pain of others. Furthermore, we may be so blinded by our grief that we may say or do things that are hurting people we love.
If this has happened to you...do not feel ashamed, it happens to all of us. What matters the most is to be aware we are doing it and stop it at once.
Hurting others do not alleviate our own pain. It may even make it greater.
If you have hurt someone due to the pain you are experiencing, recognize it and ask for forgiveness. Yes, be humble and recognize your mistake, because it is a mistake to hurt the people we love. The moment we are able to enter the worldview of others we will be able to develop compassion and understanding. We will be able to leave our own pain aside and embrace the pain of our beloved one.
If we are proud and stay in a place of not admitting we were wrong, we will find ourselves in a cycle of hurt, pain, resentment, and more pain. At the end, you are not only hurting the other person; you are hurting yourself.
Some people choose not to say "I am sorry" out of their pride. They wait for the other person to say it first.
What about if the other person is in the same position?
Couples break-up, parents and children have dysfunctional relationships, and bosses and employees destroy relationships because of their pride.
Therefore, next time you feel you are the only person hurting, take a closer look at the person next to you. It has been said that if we leave our pain aside and understand the pain of others...our pain becomes lighter.
As you transform you loss you can change your life!
Ligia/11
Querida Ligia, pain is a personal experience..and I say experience because we do not necessarily want to stay in pain for too long. Pain is necessary because it is catharstic, it drains you and in doing so it liberates you from your grief. Crying out your pain is the best cure for it, you feel redeemed, with tears you have washed the reason for your pain. In a way, we experience pain out of guilt. Did we love the departed much ? did we told the departed we loved her ? could we have done something different ? pain is selfish, we suffer because that is the way to expiate what we feel is our fault. If we loved in life, if we made that person happy, when she is gone, should we feel pain ? pain is a rational experience, we should rationalize our pain, if we were good, if we loved the person and now is gone because it is a natural law, we should be happy for the new life of the person and pain is only because we feel sorry for ourselves, we are selfish, we miss the person and pain is an expression of our anger that the person left us behind. Pain is a rational emotion. Love in life and you will diminish your pain when the time of departure has come.
ReplyDeleteQuerido Julio,
ReplyDeleteYou are right....we need to experience pain because it is an emotion and we need to validate our feelings. When we lose someone we may harbor feelings of guilt as we wonder if we didn't do enough for them or if could have been different....the best is to do all we can while they are alive. I know we miss our loved one when they are not with us physically....but spiritually they always live in our hearts.
Carinos!