Ligia Houben

Live This Year With Meaning

2012-01-25T20:06:00.000-05:00

In the last message of2011, I included a set of questions with the purpose of helping you evaluatewhere you were in your life and where you want to be in 2012. Let’s keep inmind that as we start a new year, we have the opportunity of making it "justanother year" or a meaningful one. It all depends on our inner strengthand our attitude.

I do not know what situation you may be facingnow, and if it is a painful one, my heart goes out to you. I know that in manycircumstances it may not be easy to think we can live a fulfilling or ameaningful year...still, it all depends on our attitude and how we respond towhat is happening to us. If we allow ourselves to be totally overtaken byexternal circumstances, then we lose our ability to choose. We become a victimof the situation.

How about if we choose to be a survivor?

What if we look intoour toolkit and get all those wonderful resources we have inside of us and usethem?

Which of the following resources do you needat this moment?

Faith
Patience
Hope
Courage
Persistence
Gratitude
Forgiveness
Endurance
Resilience
Compassion
Strength
Peace
Love

Once you determine thevalue you need the most...use it! Do not leave it up to fate.

Our life is created by us - by ourdetermination and by the vision we possess.

If failure is the vision we have in ourminds....then that is what we will get. If we have the vision of sadness orhopelessness...then that is what we will get.

If we have the vision of meaning, gratitude,and love...then that is the kind of life we will have.

I hope this message inspires you to open yourheart and be grateful for the greatest gift you have...your life!

Remember….your life has meaning!

Ligia/12

Practice Happiness!

2012-01-13T07:27:00.003-05:00

Even in the midst of difficulties, you can choose to be happy.

Happiness is about attitude. Nobody or any external factor can “make” you happy. How often have we heard people say things like, “When I get the perfect job or meet the love of my life, then I will be happy,” or, “When the economy gets better, I will finally be happy”?

In truth, being happy is a choice. We know of many people who may be rich, with the best job and a great partner, and still are miserable. How is this possible? It is because inside, they are unhappy, unsatisfied and always wanting more.

What brings you happiness? For me, feeling peaceful, brings me joy. Whenever I feel restless, I focus on bringing peace to my inner self. Consequently, this brings me happiness.

It is a matter of attitude, decision, and taking action.

If you are facing a tough and challenging situation you have two choices: dwell on misery and suffer through or choose to be happy on the inside and carry joy in your heart. This is not easy and at times you may slip back to feeling sorry for yourself, but…the more you choose joy the easier it gets to experience joy. Practice being happy and before you know it, happiness will come naturally.

Have a beautiful day,

Ligia/12

Positive Thinking and Losses

2012-01-07T17:10:00.000-05:00

As we start 2012, many of us have plans to carry out or goals to achieve.

The new year is just the perfect time to do it, how wonderful! Now...do you find yourself stuck and unable to move forward? Is there a loss in your life that holds you back? Do you try to practice positive thinking and it is not working?

I want to share with you how I see positive thinking and how this applies when we have suffered a loss.

• To think positively does not mean to ignore how we feel.

• To think positively does not mean to look the other way when we face a loss.

• To think positively is not to live in denial.

Thinking positively is being able to evaluate our situation and:

• To validate our emotions and know we can do something about how we feel. We reframe our thoughts.

• To acknowledge we are facing a loss and to process our grief, knowing there is hope in our lives.

• It is to accept what is happening to us and choose our response.

If we embrace these ideas, our "positive" attitude will come from within. It will be real. It will not be a mask we wear so others think we are "so positive." It is developing a sense of gratitude, of empowerment, and being able to see the possibilities that exist in your life. It is knowing our thoughts have a great influence on our emotions and that based on these emotions we act.

So, if you want to act with meaning, purpose and empowerment this year, take responsibility for your choices, use your resources, and have a transformation from the inside out.

Then....you will think positively without an effort!

Remember, as you transform your loss you can change your life!

Ligia/12

The Last Reflection of 2011

2011-12-27T21:29:00.003-05:00

Check at the end of the week, the end of the year and make sure you are not spending major time on minor things.
-Jim Rohn

We are living the last week of 2011 and getting ready to welcome 2012. It is the perfect time to reflect on how you lived this past year and how do you want to live the next one. Are you focusing on what matters most or are you wasting your time on things that are not really important? Are you satisfied with your quality of life? What about your spirituality? Have you forgiven that person who hurt you? Have you made amends with people you hurt? Have you shown gratitude?
Did you experience a major loss? Have you done your griefwork and give yourself the opportunity to heal?

All these questions can help you get in touch with your inner self and see what you could still do the remaining days of the 2011.
As you plan 2012 visualize the year ahead and focus on make it better and more meaningful. We can always better ourselves. We can always improve our relationships with others. We can always make better choices.

In the hope of providing you with some ideas to plan your upcoming year, I share with you the following questionnaire.

Take your time and respond to each question with an open heart.

• How was your life journey in 2011?

• What did you accomplish?

• What do you regret you didn’t accomplish?

• What stopped you?

• What could you have done to make it happen?

• What did you learn from this?

• What do you want to accomplish in 2012?

• What is the first step you can take now to make it happen?

It is your life and you can make it happier, richer, and more fulfilling.

The choice is yours!

Happy New Year!

Remember, your life has meaning!

Ligia/11

Love is Eternal

2011-11-30T10:46:00.002-05:00

On November 11th, 2011, was the 40th anniversary of my father's death. I can hardly believe 40 years had gone by since the day when my world turned upside down. I was 12 years old when my assumptive world broke into pieces. I stayed still and did not want to move without him. I wanted to remain a shadow and immerse myself in grief and pain. Life stopped having meaning. He was my hero. He was my teacher. He was my strength. Suddenly I was left without north. I wanted to remain still.

But...even if I wanted to forget about life...life did not forget about me. It pushed me, even without my own awareness, to continue growing and continue living.

Little by little I learned to adjust to a new world without the physical presence of my father, and have been able to carry his love and teachings in my heart. It is because of this great loss that I embarked myself in this journey of helping others facing a loss or difficult transition. I understood that in order to heal I needed to confront my grief face to face. I could not cannot ignore it. I could not pretend everything was the same and above all....I realized we never forget our loved one. We learn to live with the loss integrated in our lives because...there is life after a loss and we can transform it.

I was recently invited to a radio show and we talked about eternal love. This is the love I feel for my father. When we lose a loved one, our love does not end.

As long as we have our loved one in our minds and our hearts, they continue living!

As we transform our loss we can change our lives...

Ligia/11

Managing Loss & Grief during the Holidays

2011-11-30T10:44:00.002-05:00

In a few days starts the Holiday Season which are is a time when we get together with loved ones, celebrate, and enjoy the season. If you have recently suffered the loss of a loved one, this time of the year may bring a sensation of emptiness as you miss the person who, physically, is no longer with us. What can you do about coping with loss during the Holidays? Are you supposed to ignore the Holidays altogether? Are you supposed to pretend you are not sad and show a happy face? Although you cannot change what has happened in your life you can still find new meaning during these special days.

Even though, you may not feel like celebrating, you can remember your loved one in a meaningful manner, and a beautiful way to do this is creating rituals. Rituals can help you keep their memories alive in your hearts. These rituals can be personal, with the family, or both. The advantage of creating a family ritual is that you can do it at the time you get together and want to honor your loved one.

These are examples of some rituals you can do:

• Lighting a candle in remembrance as you gather with your family

• Sharing special memories

• Placing a chest in the living room where your family and friends can place an anecdote honoring the memory of your loved one Start New Traditions

In many families, a designated person is in charge of the celebrations and when the time comes, this may be especially painful for the rest of the family. Still, you can be creative and start a new tradition. For example, Elissa, a Lebanese American, decided to celebrate Thanksgiving by cooking a stuffed lamb instead of the traditional turkey. She wanted to start their own tradition honoring her Lebanese father. In other families, they prefer to continue a family tradition like in the case of Hortensia, a Venezuelan, who cooks a special family dish every Christmas since her mother died. Her mother was known for her pernil de cerdo al horno (oven-roasted pork) and Hortensia has continued this tradition as her mother’s legacy. The entire family feels closer to Hortensia’s mother and their beloved country, of Venezuela.

Although every celebration may bring memories of your loved one, the first celebration may be especially difficult and it is essential you prepare yourself in advance, to find meaning during these days. Because of this pain, many people may abuse alcohol or drugs during the Holidays, because they think or hope that by being numbed, they will feel better. Other people may rely on prescription drugs to deal with their grief, so they can deal with the arising emotions that may accompany grief, such as anxiety or depression. Others rely on their spirituality and participate in individual or communal rituals. Finally, other people make the decision to go to counseling when they want a guide on how to manage grief, which is also known as, griefwork. What matters the most is to pay attention to your needs and validate your emotions It is also important to acknowledge that besides experiencing the loss of a loved one, there are other losses or transitions that may interfere with our feeling joyful at this time of the year and are also crucial to validate. Among these transitions we may find:

• Loss of a job, financial hardship

• Illness-mental and physical

• Loneliness, depression and anxiety

• Having moved to a new town or place

• Anger and disharmony the family

• Marriages breaking up

• Break up with lover

• Loss of an animal companion

Any situation is unique but the best you can do is to communicate your needs with others. You may also be able to transform this time of the year into an opportunity to be closer to your loved ones, and to be of service to others. For instance, you could share time or express your love for children. Or, what about sharing time with an older adult who may just need a hug and some attention? Despite our own pain, we can still be giving, loving, and appreciative. Remember that the best way to express how we feel goes beyond material gift. It has to do with giving from our heart…Always remember that, although the Holidays may be challenging times, it is also an opportunity to share time with special people in your life.

Remember....as you transform your loss you can change your life!

Ligia/11

Be Grateful

2011-11-22T13:23:00.002-05:00

On November 24th, we celebrate Thanksgiving, a special day to share with the people we love. We may be planning the dinner, reviewing the menu, or taking care of relatives who are coming out of town. Although these are helpful steps to anticipate an enjoyable celebration, there are other valuable issues to take into consideration as we celebrate a day when we are supposed to be grateful.

First, to experience thankfulness we do not need to have a perfect life, free of sorrow or problems. The beauty is to be grateful despite any difficulty we may be experiencing at the moment, and to focus on what we have in our lives. Furthermore, we may even be grateful for tribulations, because, in many cases, these are opportunities to grow and evolve as human beings.

I want to share with you the following meditation, so you can practice more gratitude and make this Thanksgiving a memorable day for you and your family. Make sure you can devote at least 15 minutes for this activity.

Find a quiet place where you can be in a comfortable position and close your eyes. With your eyes closed, begin scanning your body from head to toes and be thankful for every part of your body. Then, go into your inner self and be grateful for who you are, for all the parts inside of you that make you the unique person you are. Be grateful for yourself. Then, think about your loved (present or absent) and be grateful for each of them. Be grateful for your loved ones. Then, think about your friends and be grateful to be able to share with them. Be grateful for your friends. Be grateful for the things you have in your life, for where you live, the food you eat, the clothing you have, and the goals you have achieved in your life. Be thankful for what you have. Finally, be grateful for all your experiences, because they have made the person you have become. Be grateful for who you are. You are a special human being. Be grateful.

After you finish this meditation, write a list of all the things you are grateful for, and you will be surprised of how much you have in your life. The ability to practice gratitude on Thanksgiving day, and every day of our lives can make the difference between hoping for things to get better or embrace life with an open heart.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Ligia/11

Women Are Transformative Agents

2011-10-26T21:37:00.001-04:00

In recent days, an article published in Newsweek Magazine talked about women who have been recognized in different fields, from politics to economics to financial freedom. This article covers different perspectives regarding women, and what is clear is that in many places, women are rising as the transformative agents we really are.

Since the beginning of time, women have shown to have extraordinary strength and power. If we take a closer look at past cultures, we can find women represented as goddesses, such as in India, Rome, or Greece. We can also be inspired by women from the Bible, like Deborah, Esther, or Mary, the mother of Jesus, to name just a few.
Although, throughout the world we find women with great empowerment, we also find much oppression and a lack of recognition of our influential abilities. Still, women have proven to be exemplary role models in our families and society at large.

It actually starts at home, with our children. As mothers, we have enormous influence in how our children develop. We teach them life skills and instill values in them. I am one of those children who were inspired by their mothers. When my father died, I was just 12 years old and I saw my mother transforming herself from being a homemaker to developing into an empowered businesswoman. This immense loss allowed her to discover strengths she did not know she possessed, and she embraced them. She was not scared, and she continued with my father’s legacy. She actually told her story in my book "Transform Your Loss. Your Guide to Strength and Hope." This is the role model I had when facing an adversity. Taking this example in my heart, I realized we are able to transform any situation we face in life if we have determination and the desire to have control over our lives. We are able to make choices, but the desire has to come from within. I have also been inspired by the many women whom I have worked with who have transformed their own losses. These losses have been from the death of a loved one, a divorce, the loss of a job, or going through the transition of getting older. These are women who have learned to use the resources available to them and make positive changes in their lives. They have grown spiritually and emotionally. They face the world with open arms because they have realized there is life after a loss. And…you can realize it too!

Have a beautiful day,

Ligia/11

Helping Caregivers Transform Their Losses

2011-09-23T21:57:00.007-04:00

When we hear the word "caregivers", many ideas may come to mind, depending on your own situation and history. The reality is that, at some point in our lives, we are either a caregiver or someone has taken care of us or will in the future. In the context of this message, I want to talk about Caregivers and Losses because it is a reality we cannot avoid, as it is the reality of many people. According to Gary Barg, there are 65.7 million caregivers in the United States who are dealing with some aspect of caregiving. Barg is the creator of the online community www.caregivers.com and is one of the professionals who participated in the documentary Life at The End. Caring in the Face of Loss, in which I also had the privilege to participate. The following mini interview is included in such documentary:

Caregiving can be challenging and painful but only when acknowledging a situation can we do something about it. Acceptance is the next step and it does not come easily, but it is crucial to accept we’re confronting a new situation. As caregivers, we can choose to do it with love or to regret what has happened to us. Acceptance does not mean to give up. Acceptance means not denying what is happening so you can plan how to handle it. You are taking care of a loved one now; you are a caregiver – you accept that. Many of us take care of our parents, and in the United States this situation has tripled since 1994 (MetLife Mature Market Institute). Once our parents reach a certain age or something unexpected happens, everything changes. This, many times, as Gail Sheehy in her book “Passages in Caregiving,” states, can begin with The Call. I can attest to that because it is what happened to me three years ago. I had a call at 11:20am on a Sunday morning from the lady who took care of my mom. She said, “your mother fell and she is bleeding.” I did not know what to expect or what the outcome would be, but the first thought that came to my mind was “this cannot be happening.” For a minute, I was in denial. This reaction (because it is not a response) according to Sheehy, happens to most of us. From that day on, I became a caregiver and my life changed. I chose to welcome it with love and gratitude. Let’s keep in mind that as caregivers we may not be able to change the event, but we can control how we respond and we all have that nurturing aspect in our hearts. Nataly Rubinstein, the author of “Alzheimer’s Disease and Other Dementias. The Caregivers Complete Survival Guide” asserts: As humans we are programmed to care. The people who choose to be caregivers have made a choice that they will care despite the hardships and sacrifices that they will make.

I recently knew of a wonderful online support community for Caregivers. It is called Caregiver Village. One of the greatest services they offer is the opportunity to share your story as caregiver and offer many helpful resources to guide you through this transition.

On the other hand, when we are caregivers sometimes we forget about taking care of ourselves and it should not be that way. As important as it is to take care of others, it is important to take care of our needs. Even in airplanes we are asked to put our oxygen mask on before assisting others. This should tell us something. Some of the clients I work with are caregivers themselves. Most of them complain about the changes in their lifestyle, how they have to juggle between taking care of their loved one, the rest of the family, and their jobs. Many full-time caregivers stop having a social life or give themselves time to relax or divert because they either may not have the time or feel guilty about it. It is here where they need to have the plan and find ways to educate themselves on what is available to them. There are many things one can do. Information is everywhere. We just need to look for it. A great resource we have in Miami for caregivers is The Caregiver Resource Center provided by United Homecare.

In addition to finding information and becoming educate on it, we need to know how to deal with some emotions that may arise, such as fear, stress, or anxiety. The following is a list of things that can help you release your emotions and deal with the situation in a more meaningful manner:

• Write in a journal
• Exercise
• Share with others
• Learn to prioritize
• Be patient and compassionate
• Learn to reframe your thoughts
• And…always keep these emotions in your heart: forgiveness, gratitude and love.

I wish you a beautiful day,

Ligia/11

A Story of Grief Transformation.

2011-08-16T09:03:00.001-04:00

I lost my father almost 40 years ago. If you have experienced the loss of a loved one, you know how painful it is. For many years, I kept the pain in my heart. One day, after entering the world of thanatology and grief counseling I felt that, for my soul, I needed to write a book dedicated to his memory, with the purpose of helping others process their grief.

From the moment I started writing the first page, my heart felt different. My words would flow from the bottom of my soul, and in an instant, I knew that....I was totally embracing the grief that was still in my heart, and as I continue with my writing, I was able to release it, and let it go.

Writing this book was a soul-searching experience. It was an existential time in my life when I came to realize my mission and purpose and everything became clear and light. I was healing. I was able to transform my experience of loss. This is what inspired me to call my book Transform Your Loss. Your Guide to Strenght and Hope because...one can transform one's loss if one confronts it face to face, embrace the grief, and realizes there is life after a loss, and it can be lived with purpose and meaning.
This is the reason why I want to share with you this article. Nina Sankovitch is an amazing example of transformation.

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/08/14/fashion/nina-sankovitch-allaying-grief-through-books.html?pagewanted=1&tntemail1=y&_r=2&emc=tnt

Remember...as you transform your loss you can change your life!

Ligia/11
www.transformyourloss.com

Are Living Half Asleep or Fully Awake?

2011-08-14T12:34:00.000-04:00

Today I invite you to take a pause in your life and ask yourself the following question: I am living half asleep or fully awake? Am I living up to my full potential or am I living merely using half of my capacity? Am I Awake?

This reminds me of Siddartha Gautama (The Buddha) who became enlightened under the Boddhi Tree.

He became awake! After many years of doing self-search, he had the answer to many of his existential questions.

Because we are living in such a fast paced society, you may be just moving from transition to transition, from crisis to crisis, from moment to moment. Now, I ask you. Are you living each moment? Are you being fully connected to what is happening in everyone's lives? Are things just "happening" to you? Or are you making them a reality? Have you settled into a life that is not fulfilling, and are you just "walking by"?

If that is the case, stop! Life is a gift, and it shouldn't be wasted. Life is to be lived with passion, joy, love and hope. All of us were given this gift, and it is up to us how we unwrap it. The wrapping may be at times wrinkled...and still...it is our gift! It is precisely at those times, when the paper is all wrinkled, that we need to evaluate what kind of life we are living.

Is it one with meaning or one without purpose?

It is up to you what kind of life it is. Remember...you have choices and you can transform them!

Have a beautiful day,

Ligia/11

Bereavement Training with Congregational Health Baptist Health South

2011-08-08T14:05:00.000-04:00

For the past five years, Rev Dale Young, director of Congregational Health and I have been training Hispanics to establish bereavement support groups in churches. This program already existed in English, but there was a strong interest to expand this program in Spanish and the response has been just phenomenal.

From the beginning, this has been an extremely gratifying experience because we have had the opportunity to share with people of faith from different communities. We know that grief and loss touch each one of us and the purpose is to be available to help others in their process.

Bereavement is a truly significant issue; therefore, the way we cope with it needs to be extremely sensitive.

Our training covers different aspects and dimensions of grief. We offer ways bring to conduct support in a way that offers the bereaved the opportunity to share in a safe and loving place.

I wish you a beautiful day,

Ligia/11

Your own pain may blind you...

2011-07-31T17:20:00.000-04:00

When we are consumed by grief, we may feel we are the only persons hurting, and we may not notice the pain of others. Furthermore, we may be so blinded by our grief that we may say or do things that are hurting people we love.

If this has happened to you...do not feel ashamed, it happens to all of us. What matters the most is to be aware we are doing it and stop it at once.

Hurting others do not alleviate our own pain. It may even make it greater.

If you have hurt someone due to the pain you are experiencing, recognize it and ask for forgiveness. Yes, be humble and recognize your mistake, because it is a mistake to hurt the people we love. The moment we are able to enter the worldview of others we will be able to develop compassion and understanding. We will be able to leave our own pain aside and embrace the pain of our beloved one.

If we are proud and stay in a place of not admitting we were wrong, we will find ourselves in a cycle of hurt, pain, resentment, and more pain. At the end, you are not only hurting the other person; you are hurting yourself.

Some people choose not to say "I am sorry" out of their pride. They wait for the other person to say it first.
What about if the other person is in the same position?

Couples break-up, parents and children have dysfunctional relationships, and bosses and employees destroy relationships because of their pride.

Therefore, next time you feel you are the only person hurting, take a closer look at the person next to you. It has been said that if we leave our pain aside and understand the pain of others...our pain becomes lighter.

As you transform you loss you can change your life!

Ligia/11

It Is Your Choice!

2011-07-10T11:00:00.000-04:00

You can make today the first day of your life as a doer instead of an observer.

It has to do with your choices, nothing else!

Today you can take full responsibility of what is happening to you in all areas of your life:

Physical
Emotional
Social, and
Spiritual.

If you continue complaining about how things are, about the terrible experiences you have lived through, of how a person is treating you, etc....you are allowing the circumstances to have control over your destiny.

Today you can make things happen, and you can also prevent things to happen. It is your choice.

Therefore, choose to take action and live with purpose. Focus on the things you are grateful for, envision the life you really want, and take the first step. It may involve taking risks, getting out of your comfort zone, and expanding your limits.

But...it is worthy. I made the choice. You can do it too!

I wish you a beautiful day,

Ligia/11

Live Each Day With Purpose

2011-07-05T13:42:00.000-04:00

I recently attended the 33rd conference of ADEC (The Thanatology Association)www.adec.org, which this year was combined with the International Conference on Grief and Bereavement in Contemporary Society. The conference was held in my hometown of Miami, Florida.

The information and education I received throughout the week was just wonderful. I attended many workshops and confirmed that the most meaningful value a person can possess when helping others in their grieving process is compassion. Compassion is to understand the worldview of the other person at a soul level, leaving aside personal agendas. It is being present without judgment or expectations. Compassion is offering a loving heart and an open hand.

This is just one example of the many valuable messages shared by the multiple presenters. These are some of the topics that were also of great value when facing a loss: rituals, meditation, compassion fatigue, and spirituality. I would like to explore, very briefly, each of these issues:

Rituals: Engaging in rituals can help the grieving person in many ways. These rituals can be performed to connect with others, to honor one's loved one, or to find meaning.

Meditation: We all have an inner space. Meditation is a wonderful way to access this space and let go of anxieties or fears. It can help us to get in touch with our grief, embrace it, and then let it go.

Compassion Fatigue: Many of us take care of others. We are caregivers and may not take the time to take care of ourselves but as important as it is to be compassionate with others, we need to start with ourselves. We can not give what we do not have.

Spirituality: Our spirituality greatly influences our beliefs, our hopes, and our way of handling life events. When we face a loss, this dimension can be of great help in the grieving process.

I invite you now to take a moment and reflect on the following questions:

• Are you engaging in any kind of ritual?

• Do you take time to meditate on a regular basis?

• Do you take care of yourself?

• Do you pay attention to your spiritual dimension?

I hope you take the time to reflect on each of these questions because engaging in these practices can really make a difference in your life.

Each time I attend an ADEC conference, I leave with a sense of fulfillment and joy. It is fascinating to see how, as we face our mortality, we can develop a sense of gratitude and love for life. As I reflected on this, I came to the conclusion that the more we learn about death, the more we appreciate life.

Dr. Howard Winokuer, in his farewell message, left us with this quote by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. It touched my heart so much that I wanted to share it with you. Read it with an open heart.

“It is the denial of death that is partially responsible for people living empty and purposeless lives; for when you live as if you will live forever, it becomes too easy to postpone the things you know you must do. You live your life in preparation for tomorrow or in remembrance of yesterday; but meanwhile, each today is lost. But when you fully understand that each day you awaken may be the last you have, you take the time that day to grow, to become more of who you really are, to reach out to other human beings”

Elisabeth Kubler- Ross

Death: The Final Stage of Growth

Remember, your life has meaning!

I wish you a beautiful day,

Ligia/11

Have an expansive outlook in life

2011-05-21T22:27:00.000-04:00

We are living a society of everything happening in an instant: you send an email and the other person (in their smart phone or laptop) gets it in a second; you make reservations to travel and you get the confirmation in a second; something happened in the other side of the world and we have the story in seconds...

Are you translating all these "instant responses" to other areas of your life? Things are happening extremely fast, and we are getting used to acquire everything in the spur of the moment. What about tomorrow? What will be the result of your tomorrow if you are living "in the spur of the moment" every day? This is not to say to live worrying about tomorrow....it is planning about tomorrow.

If you have read some of my writings, you know I believe in "living in the now" but that does not mean, living on the principle of "instant gratification." It means....being present on what you do, engaging all your senses and perceptions. It means not dwelling on the past, and (the key word) not "worrying" about the future, which is different from "planning" your future.

Make a list of the things you want to do in life and visualize how you want to be in five years from now. I do these exercises with many of my clients, and it is remarkable the effect it has on the way they start designing, and controlling, their own lives.

So, who do you want to be in five years?

Start planning now and....make it happen!

Have a beautiful day,
Ligia/11

When you Speak....Do it from your Heart!

2011-05-14T15:29:00.006-04:00

Today I had the wonderful experience of hearing someone speaking from his heart at the Florida Speakers Association. It was the well known speaker Dr. Joachim De Posada.

Although I had known Joachim for several years, this was the first time I heard him as a speaker, and the way he delivers his message makes him especial. He speaks from his heart.

It is my pleasure to share these pictures with you!

As I reflected on my way back home (It was in Ft. Lauderdale, and I live in Miami) I realized once more the difference one can make in the lives of others by being authentic and loving what one does.

If you are real, it comes across in the things you say and the actions you take. It comes across in the quality of your relationships and the lives you touch. When you are real your words are a reflection of your values, your purpose, and the meaning you find in life. When you are real, you do not need to be weighing your words, because they speak the truth. They come from your heart.

So, just as the exercise we did in my seminar "The Eleven Principles of Transformation™" let go of the mask which covers who you really are and what your feelings are....be real...be authentic and remember that if you want to touch a person's life...speak from your heart!

Have a beautiful day,

Ligia/11

Caregiving can be a Transformative Experience

2011-04-10T13:15:00.000-04:00

Few days ago we explored the issue of Taking Care of Yourself and in this post I want to elaborate on the issue of caregiving. I was recently interviewed for a TV documentary on caregivers. In that particular case, the program will be on Caregiving at the End of Life, but the principles can be applied to any caregiving situation.

The main message has to do with paying attention to our physical, emotional, and spiritual needs needs, even if this means asking for help. Why do I stress so much this issue? Being a caregiver myself, I know how necessary it is to have our "me time" in order to recharge and be filled up with beautiful energy. We do not need much time, but it is essential in order to give the best of ourselves. The following suggestions can help you to find balance between your role as a caregiver and the other aspects of your life.

First, prioritize. What are the most important issues in your life now? Now, how do you manage your time? Is it too overwhelming? If this is the case, ask for help. Talk to other members of the family, or close relatives, so you can plan some time for your own necessities. Now, let's talk about your physical needs:
Eat a balanced and nutritious diet and do some kind of exercise. This will give you a sense of well being and it also helps as a stress relief.
When possible, get enough sleep. I know that as a caregiver, sometimes it can be challenging, but pay attention to this need, even if this implies asking for respite.
Your emotional needs are also important. Share with others how you feel. Write in a journal, or record your feelings in a voice recorder. There are also support groups that may be a source of help, but please be careful these support groups do not focus on complaining....but on transforming.
Lastly, be aware of your spirituality. Meditate, pray, and/or read inspiring books. Engage in activities that can nourish your soul. And above all....embrace Forgiveness, Gratitude, and Love. These are the three spiritual tools I have explored in principle III of "The Eleven Principles of Transformation" because I believe that if we do more of these three things....any difficult situation can be transformed into an experience of personal and spiritual growth.

Have a beautiful day,

Ligia/11

Seminar The Eleven Principles of Transformation

2011-04-06T18:53:00.003-04:00

I want to express my heartfelt gratitude to the beautiful group of people who attended the seminar "The Eleven Principles of Transformation" this past March 26-27.
It was wonderful to see people share with others, engage in activities, and...especially, bond with others. These two days was a journey into our deeper self as we moved from a space of introspection into our loss or difficult transition into a place of joy and transformation. Each person who attended added to this experience in a very special way. These are some of the comments of the participants:

Dear Ligia,
Last weekend seminar was wonderful! I learned so much and enjoyed it tremendously .
Congratulations!
I am looking forward to attending more of your workshops in the future.
It was a memorable weekend
Parvin Ganjei-Azar, MD

Hi Ligia - thank you for the time and effort you put into developing, planning and conducting this past weekend's workshop! it was a wonderful experience!
Gail Brown, LCSW

Dear Professor Ligia,

I take the occasion to thank you for the seminar; it will surely help me in my ministry. God bless you!
Fr. Sterling Laurent

Ligia Houben led "The Eleven Principles of Transformation" seminar in a most effective way possible. Ligia’s natural compassion to people and to her dedication to the subject of grief made this seminar a tremendous success. Ligia’s ability to be fully present, with her incredible talent for listening, made the participants feel comfortable and at ease. The seminar was hands-on, very dynamic, rich in content and activities, and not for a moment dull.

The participants came for professional and personal reasons. I loved the fact that some of the participants were there because they suffered a loss, and others were there because they help others to work through their loss (like a rabbi, priests, social workers, chaplains, a physiologist and a life coach). The background of the participants enriched the seminar. The energy that was created and led by Ligia was very positive, and the connection between people, turned instantly into friendships.

Ligia, thank you so much for the opportunity to get to know you in person, and to get to experience your teachings. I hope to share more precious moments with you.

Li-Mor Raviv,

Life & Business Coach

You can see the pictures in this slideshow: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8nj_HoVStco&NR=1

Remember...You Can Transform your Loss and Change your Life!

Have a beautiful day,

Ligia/11

Taking Care of Ourselves is not being Selfish...

2011-03-31T08:59:00.001-04:00

One of the issues we explored in the seminar "The Eleven Principles of Transformation" was the value of taking care of oneself.

Many people think that paying attention to our needs, is being selfish, and forget about what they really want. They settle to live a life based on the needs of others. We need to pay attention to this attitude, because, it may leave us resentful, frustrated or angry. Each person has special needs, including yourself.

Therefore...start paying attention to YOU! Only then you will be able to give the best of you to others.

How can you take care of yourself? This implies evaluating all your dimensions as a human being: emotional, physical, social and spiritual.

The emotional needs are sometimes ignored because we do not want to confront pain or grief. We chose to ignore it and continue living, repressing our emotions. As we learned in the seminar, this aspect is essential if we want to grow and develop as individuals. Because, I remind you that what we ignore doesn't cease to exist, it is only repressed.

I invite you to take a piece of paper and write on top: What are my needs?
and then...examine each one of them and see if you are paying attention to them.
Now, reflect on how you feel, as you realize some of these needs are being ignored.
Then, plan what to do about it.

I wish you a beautiful day,

Ligia/11

Buddhism and Acceptance

2011-03-19T14:38:00.000-04:00

Today, as I was teaching Buddhism in my World Religions Class at Miami Dade College, we explored the issue of acceptance and I realized once more how essential this concept is for our spiritual growth.

The Buddha taught that although we cannot change what happens in the outside world, we can change the way we experience the world. It has to do with perception. It has to do with attitude. He believed that once we practice acceptance, we can have inner peace. This impacted me tremendously because it totally resonates with my own philosophy regarding losses....and it is the first principle of "The Eleven Principles of Transformation" accept your loss or transition you are living now. It is a choice...and you can still be grateful for the things you still have in your life. If we do that, as Buddhism also teaches us, our lives would be more joyful and peaceful.

The Buddha believed that our suffering in this life has to do with desire and attachment..and once we let go of that attachment we can live according to The Noble Eightfold Path. Those will be explored in the next blog.

Have a beautiful day,

Ligia/11
www.ligiahouben.com
Last day to register for the seminar on "The Eleven Principles of Transformation" March 26-27 is Wednesday 23rd at 12pm ET!

The Transformation System

2011-03-18T09:29:00.004-04:00

Many people have asked about the different components of the system of transformation. In this post I am sharing with you the different aspects of each level and how they can be applied to your life and the lives of others.
Have a beautiful day!

THE TRANSFORMATION SYSTEM
We all have the resources we need to transform any situation in our lives. Allow me to share with you how to use these resources as you apply The Eleven Principles of Transformation™ a system she created to help people transform their loss or transition and change their lives. You can do it!
LEVEL I THE ELEVEN PRINCIPLES OF TRANSFORMATION™ MARCH 26-27 MIAMI, FL for more information go to www.ligiahouben.com
This is the introduction to the system of transformation. The two-day “The Eleven Principles of Transformation™” seminar introduces the methodology I created on how to transform losses or transitions through growth and personal development.
This event, more than a seminar, will be a life experience! Keep in mind that as you transform yourself you can also transform your:
• Personal relationships
• Your business
• Your financial status
The transformation happens from within and expands to all areas of your life!
In THE ELEVEN PRINCIPLES OF TRANSFORMATION™ LEVEL I you'll discover:
1. How past and present losses can interfere with the quality of your life and how you can process them and regain control of your life again.
2. How to find balance in all dimensions of your life: physical, social, spiritual and emotional.
3. How to respond to difficult situations or events instead of reacting.
4. How you can incorporate the powerful tool of gratitude, despite of any crisis, and be happier.

5. How to apply visualization and meditation to find peace and joy again.
And much more!

• This seminar can be customized to companies for any transition or loss.

Didactic:
During this time, the participant learns about The Eleven Principles of Transformation™ through interesting lectures, group activities, sharing, role plays, meditation, visualization, exercises/building, and rituals.
This two-day seminar provides you with the tools you need to bounce back from any past losses, present ones and even learn to be prepared to handle future ones! It is a prerequisite to continuing education to become a certified trainer, group facilitator or consultant.
The Seminar includes:
Book: Transform your Loss. Your Guide to Strength and Hope
Workbook
Material for activities

LEVEL II – THE ELEVEN PRINCIPLES OF TRANSFORMATION™ : CIRCLES OF MEANING AND TRANSFORMATION ™
In this two-day seminar the participants will gain knowledge on how to facilitate support groups through specific techniques and expanding skills acquired in LEVEL I seminar such as active listening, grief dimensions and expressions, empowerment, and transformation.
A training manual will be provided which contains ideas on how to form support groups, elicit participation and establishing common and individual objectives. These groups will apply The Eleven Principles of Transformation™.
Didactic
This is a two-day seminar and the format is fully practicum, where role play will be a vital aspect of this training. When the participant leaves this seminar he or she will have the necessary tools to facilitate support group using “The Eleven Principles of Transformation™”
Class size is limited to 12-16 individuals. The participants will have the opportunity to show their skills as facilitators in activities such as role playing. My Meaningful Life, LLC will provide the certification and license (which will be signed in an agreement) to become a facilitator of support groups (you chose your niche) applying “The Eleven Principles of Transformation™” The book “Transform your Loss. Your Guide to Strength and Hope” is required for the members of the group and will be available to them at a special price.

Course prerequisite: “The Eleven Principles of Transformation™ Seminar” LEVEL I;
The seminar participant is expected to have processed their own loss or transition through the exercises and activities and have a thorough understanding of the philosophy of the system of transformation through group activities.
Material included:
Manual: “The Eleven Principles of Transformation™” Facilitator of Circles of Meaning and Transformation™
Level III- “THE ELEVEN PRINCIPLES OF TRANSFORMATION™ : TRAIN THE TRAINERS”
Being a trainer using this system can be a fulfilling experience. You can be an agent of transformation as you help others in their growing process.

Course prerequisite: “The Eleven Principles of Transformation™ Seminar” LEVEL I;
The seminar participant is expected to have processed their own loss or transition through the exercises and activities and have a thorough understanding of the philosophy of the system of transformation through group activities.
The Eleven Principles of Transformation™: Train the Trainer Certification program will provide you with the necessary tools to deliver your own seminar, including marketing and logistic strategies. You’ll be amazed at how you can acquire so much information in just three days!
These are just some ideas of what you will learn:
• How to integrate NLP principles in your seminar
• Engaging communication and participation among the attendees
• Overcoming fear as a public speaker
• Managing your time as trainer
• And much more….
This system will change your life and the lives of others at all levels: physically, spiritually, emotionally and socially.
Didactic:
This three-day seminar is fully hands-on. The participant will learn through practice how to conduct a seminar, apply each principle and even integrate meditation as part of the curriculum.
Class size is limited to 12-16 individuals. The participants will do an exam showing their understanding of the training. The certification will be then provided by My Meaningful Life, LLC. This seminar will give you a license (which will be signed in an agreement) to lead the seminar yourself and help other transform their losses applying “The Eleven Principles of Transformation™”
Material included:
Power Point Presentation with notes.
Manual: “The Eleven Principles of Transformation™” Train the Trainers.

Only You Can Make The Change!

2011-03-15T11:48:00.002-04:00

I am just like you…a human being with needs, desires, and dreams. Like you I have gone through a share of losses and disappointments and have experienced an array of emotions, from fear, anxiety or frustration, to hope, happiness and love.

I understand what you are experiencing at this moment because I have the same capacity, as you do, to experience such emotions, to think and act. But despite any difficulty you may be experiencing you can change your perception and your behavior. It is all about choices. What are the choices you are making in your life right now? Are these choices empowering, beneficial, positive? Or are they negative, limiting, or destructive?

In reality, only you can make the change. Even if I wanted to do it for you….I cannot (and should not!). It has to come from within.

What I can do is to share with you my experiences and what has worked for me and to understand you and to accept where you are coming from. But more important than my understanding and acceptance, is your own understanding and acceptance of yourself. When you stop blaming yourself and destroying your self-love with negative messages, you will be able to open your mind to a change. It is only then that transformation can take place.
Remember…I cannot make the change for you. Only YOU can do it!

Are you ready NOW to start living a happier life and embrace peace, gratitude and love?

I wish you a beautiful day,

You can create a better tomorrow

2011-02-21T07:28:00.000-05:00

Regardless of how you may be feeling now, you have the ability to create a better tomorrow. If you are facing a painful situation you may wonder how you can believe in new beginnings...I feel your pain but I also tell you...you can learn to bend when the wind blows strong without breaking. You have the strength within you. It may be buried now, but you have the ability to bring it back to your life.
How do you see your life, let's say in a month? Six months? A year? Do you like what you see (if you stay on the same path?).

Now imagine the life YOU WANT in a month, six months, and a year? Are you building that life now with your actions?

It is not too late. You can start NOW! Remember.....You CAN transform...
Chaos into order
Crisis into stability
Challenges into opportunities
Losses into spiritual and personal growth.

I wish you a beautiful day,

Ligia/11
Seminar on Transformation
March 26-27
www.ligiahouben.com

Ligia Houben: We All Have Patterns

2011-02-15T11:35:00.000-05:00

Ligia Houben: We All Have Patterns: "In life we develop patterns. Some of these patterns are ingrained since we are very young. Others we acquire them through experiences. We de..."

We All Have Patterns

2011-02-15T11:34:00.000-05:00

In life we develop patterns. Some of these patterns are ingrained since we are very young. Others we acquire them through experiences. We develop patterns in how we deal with relationships, how do we our work, even in how we grieve (one of this may be choosing not to acknowledge the grief).

You can find out about your patterns reflection on major issues in your life and how you have responded to them. If you tend to see a similar response, you may have developed a pattern. Are you satisfied with the quality of your life?

Are the patterns you have in your life working for you?

If they are not....break the cycle and respond in a different manner.

Have a beautiful day,

Ligia/11

Grief is our response to all kinds of losses….

2011-02-04T13:16:00.000-05:00

Among the misunderstandings people have concerning grief is that they think it is the reaction only to the death of a loved one. But we experience a sense of loss when something or someone that belonged to us and was of immense value has been taken from our lives, leaving in their place a void that we are sometimes unable to fill...not only to death.

If you find yourself grieving over any the following transitions it is just natural and you need to pay attention to your feelings.

Losses you may be experiencing:

• Divorce or break-up.
• Loss of health.
• Loss of a job?
• Retirement.
• Financial Hardships.
• Empty Nest.
• Taking Care of Aging Parents

When you face a loss…yes, you may be angry and you may be depressed..but don’t give up. You possess many resources to work through your grief, bounce back, transform your loss, and find meaning in life again.

I wish you a beautiful day,

Ligia/11
www.ligiahouben.com

Are you Grieving the Loss of an Animal Companion?

2011-02-03T16:29:00.000-05:00

Today I want to talk about losing your animal companion because for many of us, it represents an enormous loss. I lost my rabbit “Snowwhite” when I was eight years old and I remember I suffered tremendously and it was not until I was an adult, and got into the field of grief and loss, that I was able to process my grief. If you are experiencing the loss of your animal companion (many people are using this term instead of “pet”) you may find yourself in a place of pain or grief because of the void your experience with their absence.
In my work as a grief counselor I have had clients experiencing this type of grief. The most common question I hear is “Is it normal to feel such a pain?” People who do not have animals do not understand this unique relationship and may judge them for being “too sentimental or childlike.”
Despite criticism from others, it is essential to validate your feelings and cry if you want to and share with people who care, pictures or stories about your pet. Grief is a process, and it takes time.
When your animal companion dies, you may also need to decide what to do with the remains. One of the most beautiful things you could do is to do a memorial. For this you can invite close friends or family who understand your pain and knew your animal companion.
Remember that you feel such pain because you loved your pet so much.

Have a beautiful day,

Ligia/11

Ligia Houben: Bouncing Back After a Divorce or Rupture

2011-02-01T14:18:00.003-05:00

If you are going through a divorce or a romantic break-up you may be experiencing many emotions....from anger, fear, disappointment, hopelessness toward the future, sadness, to grief (this emotion sometimes is not recognized, but it can be real). In many cases divorce is not a devastating loss, on the contrary, it may make you happy or relieved, but in most cases, all of a sudden finding oneself not being part of a couple hits us hard and sometimes we ask,

• How was I wrong?
• What mistake did I make?
• Could I have done something different?
• How did I not realize what was happening before?

To go through a divorce or romantic break-up, you close a chapter in your life, but it does not end your life. In front of you is a path that you can walk down with strength and hope.

If you feel any bitterness in your soul, let it go. It is not healthy to keep negative feelings inside. If you think you are doing harm to your former spouse, you are wrong. The person you are doing harm to is really yourself. Therefore, forgive and go on with your life.

In the system "The Eleven Principles of Transformation" in the third principle "Go Deeper into the Spiritual Dimension" I elaborate on the issue of forgiveness (besides gratitude and love). If we learn to forgive, we empower ourselves. We choose to be happy and transform any romantic loss into an extraordinary gain.

P.S. Part of this article was taken from my book "Transform your Loss. Your Guide to Strength and Hope"

I wish you a beautiful day,

Ligia/11

Bouncing Back After a Divorce or Rupture

2011-02-01T14:16:00.001-05:00

If you are going through a divorce or a romantic break-up you may be experiencing many emotions....from anger, fear, disappointment, hopelessness toward the future, sadness, to grief (this emotions sometimes is not recognized, but it can be real). In many cases it is not a devastating loss but something that may make you happy or relieved, but in most cases, all of a sudden finding oneself not being part of a couple hits us hard and sometimes we ask,

• How was I wrong?
• What mistake did I make?
• Could I have done something different?
• How did I not realize what was happening before?

To go through a divorce or romantic break-up, you close a chapter in your life, but it does not end your life. In front of you is a path that you can walk down with strength and hope.

If you feel any bitterness in your soul, let it go. It is not healthy to keep negative feelings inside. If you think you are doing harm to your former spouse, you are wrong. The person you are doing harm to is really yourself. Therefore, forgive and go on with your life.

In the system "The Eleven Principles of Transformation" in the third principle "Go Deeper into the Spiritual Dimension" I elaborate on the issue of forgiveness (besides gratitude and love). If we learn to forgive, we empower ourselves. We choose to be happy and transform any romantic loss into an extraordinary gain.

P.S. Parts of this article is contained in my book "Transform your Loss. Your Guide to Strength and Hope" www.transformyourloss.com

Have a beautiful day,

Ligia/11

You Can Bounce Back After a Loss

2011-01-25T17:05:00.002-05:00

In life everybody faces difficult times such as the loss of a loved one, divorce or break-up, illness, job loss, relocation, economic hardships. As you read these lines you may identify with one or several of these losses and although you may feel you won’t be able to overcome the pain and be happy again, you can bounce back after a loss and even thrive on grief.
You can find strength and hope no matter what you are confronting in life. It may take time (it is different for each of us) but it is possible. What matters most is to have faith and believe in your resilience. Yes, you have the ability to recover after a loss. You just need to look into your inner self to bring up those resources.
I won’t be happy again….
Life is unfair….
Why has this happened to me….
These are some of the thoughts you may entertain at moments of grief, despair, or hopelessness. It is natural to experience these emotions. It only shows you are human. Still, you can choose to dwell on your pain or bounce back after your loss.
I have been so touched by many of my clients who have faced painful situations and thrive on their grief that I wanted to remind you of your possibilities. In my own life I have confronted many losses and have been able to bounce back. It has to do with faith, hope, strength, resilience, and love.
We have valuable resources in our spirit, mind, and heart. It is up to us if we use them.

If you are ready to Bounce Back in an atmosphere of care, empowerment, and personal and spiritual growth, visit www.ligiahouben.com and learn about "The Eleven Principles of Transformation" seminar on March 26-27.

Have a beautiful day,

Ligia/11

From Darkness to Light!

2011-01-18T11:10:00.002-05:00

As I work with many people going through losses or life transitions, I have been able to see the effect our attitude has on how we handle the situation.

Some people face a small problem and find themselves hopeless, afraid, or with no motivation. Other people face huge losses and are able to withstand their pain and even become better persons.

What is the difference between these two groups of people?

I have to say it is their attitude. Although some people dwell on the negative and the pain, others use their faith, hope and strength to keep them going. Instead of focusing on the darkness that may surround them, they choose to use their inner resources and turn on the light.

To which group of people do you belong to?

Have a beautiful day,

Ligia/11

Do you have faith?

2011-01-10T20:22:00.003-05:00

In the last post, we were exploring the emotions we experience when we think about a goal or decision. Today I want to talk about the value of having faith when thinking about the goal and how this will influence how we feel about it.

Faith has been described as "believing without seeing." Indeed...it is been certain something will happen, no matter what. We can have two types of faith: faith in God and faith in ourselves. I think that is the perfect equation. One doesn't work without the other. Many people may rely on their faith in God and don't take any action to make things happen. That is being comfortable and just waiting for a change due to osmosis. I always remember the saying "God said, "help yourself, yourself and then I will help you.'" It all starts with taking responsibility and believing in ourselves. It is having faith in our capacity.
This last Saturday I started the class I teach on "World Religions" at Miami Dade Collage" and the issue of faith came about. It was such a profound conversation with my students, and we even talked about the value of having faith when they enroll in school. They "believe" (if they study, therefore, taking responsibility) that they will get that degree. Their goal is to get the degree and having faith helps them to think about the goal with excitement and hope. If we add to this equation, faith in God...we bring our spiritual dimension into play and makes it even more powerful.

So, I ask you....Do you have faith? Where is it being manifested?

Have a beautiful day,

Ligia/11

Is your heart in tune with your mind?

2011-01-07T19:26:00.005-05:00

Does it happen to you that sometimes your mind tells you something but your heart gives you another message? When we experience this conflict it can be difficult to make the right decision. What can we do about it?

First, let's remember that our emotions let us know if our inner self agrees with the decision or not. For example, if you think that achieving a goal would be valuable to you, you should experience excitement, joy, or a sense of urgency.

On the contrary, if when you think about a goal you want to achieve you experience discomfort, fear, or anxiety, evaluate what is causing these emotions. Our emotions always tell us something. Maybe you need to change your approach, reframe the perspective, or evaluate if it is a realistic goal.

Moreover...make sure if you really want to achieve it! If your head tells you something but your heart feels differently...it is a signal that you are not in tune. The following exercise helps to be more clear of what you really want and how you feel about it:

On a piece of paper write your goal or decision you need to take.
Then, pay attention to your body. What is it "telling" you?

Do you feel tensed or relaxed?

Happy or worried?

Excited or Stressed-Out?

Next, write in a sentence the goal with the emotion you experienced and read it out loud. Pay attention to your response and then....make your decision!

Have a beautiful day,

Ligia/11

Are You Focusing On What You Want?

2011-01-05T18:49:00.004-05:00

When I ask that question many people look at me with a suspicious look...What do you mean? "Of course I know what I want" they respond.

I ask again...Do you really focus on what you want or you just state what you want?

It can be very easy to just say what we want but not to do anything about it and instead of taking action to complain for what we do not have. If you are one of those people. Stop! Do not complain anymore and make things happen.

As many of you know my work is mainly working with people going through loss or life transitions and have met wonderful individuals who instead of dwelling on their pain or grief, have chosen to transform any misfortune into spiritual growth or personal development.

I do not say it is easy, but let me tell you...it is possible.

I can tell you this because I have been there. I have gone through several difficult transitions in my life and I can only share with you what has worked for me and the wonderful people I work with. We have focused on what we want our lives to be and..It does work!

Are you Focusing on what you want?

Have a beautiful day,

Ligia/11

The First Working Week of 2011!

2011-01-03T16:03:00.002-05:00

As we start the first working week of 2011 many of us are looking forward to a promising year filled with plans and projects. We may want to finish what we started in 2010 or engage in new commitments. We may be so excited that....we may not know where to start!

Take a pause and...reflect. What are your priorities this year? How do you want it to be? What would be meaningful in your life? Remember that if we have "too much on our plate" we may feel overwhelmed and instead of being excited with a new idea. We may feel anxious or frighten.

One of the lessons I learned in 2010 is precisely to prioritize and know when you need to say "no" to a new project or commitment. It may not be easy, but it will make a difference in your life. It will bring more balance, and you will find yourself having more time to spend with family and friends. You will find having more time for you.

A good idea to implement is to write down every night the things you need to do the following day, and then, rank them in order of importance. This is an easy way to know what your priorities are and do those things first.
Become an expert in time management and do not waste it in things that do not bring quality to your life. Every minute is precious. Let's use them wisely. Let's be productive in our profession, loving with our family and friends, and caring with ourselves.

That way we can take care of all our needs and live a balanced and meaningful life.

Have a beautiful day,

Ligia/11

The First Day of 2011

2011-01-01T10:48:00.002-05:00

Be the change you want to see in the world.
Gandhi

Today we start the year 2011 and just like any beginning it brings the possibility to create something great.

During the last few days I heard many people saying "I feel this year is going to be better than the last one" and it is wonderful to have such a hopeful attitude. I highly suggest we always keep hope in our hearts.
Still, let's keep in mind, as Gandhi stated, that it all starts with us.

If we want this year to be better...let's make it better!

Although there are events that happen which are not under our control, in many situations we have the ability to choose how we want our lives to be.
The outcome will depend on the choice we make and how committed we are to work on ourselves.
If we want to be happy, let's choose to be happy. If we want to be more disciplined, let's implement small choices that will bring better results to our lives. If we want to be more spiritual, let's work on developing that dimension.

Things do not happen just by thinking about them or wishing they were different. We need to take the first step. First, we need to know, as I said in my last post, who we are, and then to work on developing ourselves. The moment we engage fully in our own growth and evolve into a higher self, things will also change. Relationships will change. Outcomes will change. Our life will change. It all depends on us.

Happy New Year!

Ligia/11

The Last Reflection of 2010

2010-12-28T21:03:00.002-05:00

by Ligia M. Houben

The unexamined life is not worth living.
-Socrates

In just a few days we will say farewell to 2010 and welcome 2011. Some of us will experience a sense of relief the year is over; some of us will be grateful for one more year lived. Despite the emotion you may be experiencing, I invite you to revisit the year and ask yourself “How did I live this year?”

As human beings we have the capacity, as Socrates stated, to examine our lives and see if we are becoming the person we want to be. Instead of focusing on the goals you want to achieve in 2011, revisit 2010 and reflect on the different dimensions of your life: Physical, social, spiritual and emotional. Are you satisfied with all of these dimensions? If not, how could you make them better for 2011?

One of the best ways to identify what you are missing in your life is to ask yourself the following questions:

• What can I do more in my life to bring me more satisfaction?
• What can I do less in order to live a more meaningful life?
• What can I stop doing, so I do not regret it later?
• What can I start doing, so I can become the person I really want to be?
• How can I help others in need?
• How can I be an inspiration to others?
• Am I happy?
• Am I living my purpose?
• But the most important question you can ask yourself, is. Who am I?

Living in a fast-paced world may lead us to be consumed by doing or having without paying attention to being. We may be paying attention to the external, not knowing that the answer to our purpose in life resides within ourselves. It is until we make that connection that we will be able to know if we are happy and if we have found our purpose in life.

Do you know who you are? Now is the time to ask yourself that question. And as soon as you know the answer, you will be able to identify your beliefs and values and make 2011 the year to live true to yourself. The year to become a better you. The goals will manifest themselves.

Happy New Year!

Ligia/10

www.ligiahouben.com
www.transformyourloss.com

Coping with Loss during the Holidays

2010-11-19T06:52:00.004-05:00

Although the Holidays are special days filled with joy, celebrations, and shared times, for some people the Holidays symbolize a time of nostalgic memories, losses, and remembrance. These feelings of loss may bring grief to our souls that at times cannot be expressed or shared with others, especially when one is supposed to be cheerful and happy. If you have recently experienced the loss of a loved one The Holidays may bring a sensation of a void as we miss the person who, physically, is no longer with us.
Even though we may not feel like celebrating, we can still remember our loved one in a meaningful manner and a beautiful way to do this is creating rituals. We can create rituals to keep their memories alive in our hearts. These rituals can be personal, with the family, or both. The advantage of creating a family ritual is that you can do it at the time you get together for dinner and want to honor your loved one.

These are examples of some rituals you can do:

Lighting a candle in remembrance as you gather with your family
Sharing special memories
Place a chest in the living room where your family and friends can place a thank-you note honoring the memory of your loved one

Always remember that, although The Holidays may be challenging times, it is also an opportunity to share time with special people in your life.
Pay attention to your needs and communicate with others.
Find ways to nourish your spiritual dimension and know that your loved will always live in your heart.

I will be offering ideas and suggestions in how to cope with a loss during The Holidays on Tuesday 23rd at 8pm ET. For more information send me an email to info@ligiahouben.com

Have a beautiful day,

Ligia/10

Give time to yourself

2010-11-03T08:39:00.000-04:00

Give time to yourself
Our lives have become more and more exposed to external stimuli that may be robbing us from precious time with ourselves. These stimuli can include constant exposure to technological devices (BB, cell phone, texting, social media, emails, TV...) which may divert us from time with our family, our friends, and ourselves.
I want to introduce here the concept of "me-time." This came about in a conversation I had with a client of mine who told me how important it was for her to have "me-time" where she could do whatever she wanted or simply enjoy herself. I loved the term and that is why I share it with you. Are you giving yourself "me-time" or are you constantly distracted by external factors"?

Be aware that having time for yourself does not mean you are being selfish or self-centered. It is just paying attention to your needs and validating them.

One of the consequences of being in constant communication or distraction is the lack of quality time to think, reflect, or even plan. We may be losing precious time to be in that inner space that only belongs to us and where we can recharge and get in tune with our thoughts and emotions. Do not allow distractions to invade your privacy....give yourself a time everyday to nourish your spirit and be more in touch with your inner self.

I wish you a beautiful day,

Ligia/10

Have a clear conciousness

2010-10-11T14:16:00.003-04:00

In life we have a special choice, among many others....

We can be a good person, with a clear consciousness, or we can behave in an unethical manner that can just bring pain to others and to ourselves.

I always remember the words of my father, who died when I was 12 years old. He was an honest man and believed in the goodness of people. I also believe in the goodness of people and that why it still surprises me when I learn that some people can hurt others...and the sad thing is that it can be done in such an easy way.

If we put our needs first than the needs of others, we may live in an self-centered manner. Let's always be honest with ourselves and with others because we may fool them from time to time, but we never fool God. He sees who we are in reality.

So, remember....Keep a clear consciousness!

I wish you a beautiful day,

Ligia/10

Your word is gold...

2010-09-26T12:54:00.003-04:00

Today I want to talk about something of great value....our word! Have you ever reflected on the effect your word has on your life and on the lives of others? This brings to mind the first agreement of the wonderful book written by Don Miguel Ruiz, "The Four Agreements" which is Be impeccable with your word. With this agreement he recommends we pay attention to what we say, if we mean it, to take responsibility of our words and...to avoid gossiping.

In our lives we may sometimes promise something we do not mean or say something out of an impulse...let's think first. Our word is gold and what we say reflects who we are. It shows our character.

Some people waste energy talking about others, gossiping...not realizing that the same energy can be a boomerang and the person who ends up being hurt is the person who said the wrong word.

Honor yourself...honor others...honor your word!

I wish you a beautiful day,

Ligia/10

It takes more than....."just let go"!

2010-09-21T12:58:00.005-04:00

In my everyday interaction with people (clients and people I have a conversation with) many of them share with me how a past experience is bothering them and they feel the need to let go and do not know how.

These transitions may be the death of a loved one (they wish they would have said something else or done more for the person); a loving relationship (regrets for a word said or not doing "the right thing") or losing a job among others....(maybe they should have done a better job...).

And...I empathize with this feeling of frustration....because it involves more than just "letting go." One needs to process that experience that is still hurtful and debilitating....and work on oneself.

Now, I ask you...do you have any past situation that is keeping you in a painful place? Do you feel "stuck" or have constant thoughts about the experience?

As I suggest over and over....go to that "inner place" and express those feelings, process your emotions....and then you will be able to release them. It is then when you will feel liberated from those emotions and ready to move forward in your life.

I wish you a beautiful day,

Ligia/10

Instead of surviving....live to the fullest!

2010-09-18T08:56:00.000-04:00

It often happens that when I ask someone how is it going he or she answers:

"Well.... surviving." It may be that this person is going through a difficult transition or a loss ... but he or she may also be living every day in a mechanical way, without appreciating what life is. If only that person knew that when you change your attitude ... you can also change the quality of your life.

This attitude of being able to do something about our life applies equally when facing a loss. That is the message of my book "Transform your Loss. Your Guide to Strength and Hope." I never say it is easy to transform a painful situation and change from "surviving" to "live to the fullest" but it is possible! It may take time, and it differs from person to person, but if you work through grief and focus on what you still have in life, and be grateful for that ...it can be possible.

If you are facing a difficult situation right now remember... always appreciate what you have .... starting with your life, which is a gift!

I wish you a beautiful day,

Ligia/10

Transformation is not easy....but possible!

2010-09-13T09:12:00.003-04:00

Transformation is not easy because few people are willing to let go of old habits, past losses, or pain....but it is not impossible. Why do I say this? Because the first step (and you can do it!) is to let go...it is to leave our comfort zone and be willing to take charge of the situation.

In other words, it is being responsible for our own well being. But because taking responsibility involves discomfort and effort few people really do it! Are you willing to do it?

Here is how you can start taking charge:

Identify the area of your life that needs to be transformed.
Identify what has prevented you from transforming it in the past.
Make a commitment to do something about it in the next 30 days (this could be in a letter sent to yourself, sharing your commitment with a fried, or writing it in your journal).
Every day check your progress (or lack of it) and make notes.

When you identify what needs to change in your life, decide to be accountable for making the change, and diligently work on it....you will see how your life can be transformed to the better!

I wish you a beautiful day,

Ligia/10

Work on Yourself

2010-08-29T07:29:00.003-04:00

In life things happen. We may lose our job, break-up a loving relationship, or find ourselves in a difficult financial situation.

When we face these transitions, we may feel despair, anger or lack of hope.

Furthermore, many times we blame others or the events for how we feel when, in reality, nobody is responsible for how we feel. We are! I repeatedly say that the focus is not on what happened to us, but what are we going to do about our situation. Instead of reacting, let's respond in a well-thought manner. One of the best ways I know to respond is...working on ourselves.

Working on ourselves starts with owning the circumstance and decide what to do about it. It has to do with my first principle,"Accept your Loss" (or transition). Remember, acceptance is not passive...it is active because, unless you accept your circumstance, you can do something about it.

Working on ourselves involves commitment and being accountable. It has to do with being tired of feeling sad, angry or depressed. It involves doing some griefwork and self-growth.

Because you want to be happier you can start to recognize the importance of working on yourself.

Have a beautiful day,

Ligia/10

Believe in New Beginnings....

2010-08-27T22:13:00.002-04:00

When we face a difficult transition or a loss we may think our life is over....that we don't have any hope, or that we don't have options.

My purpose in life is to help people embrace hope and make them believe in new beginnings. Because...this is possible. I have gone through so many losses in my life when I thought my life was over...and I found resources inside myself to keep on going and believe there was a tomorrow.
Every day is a new beginning. When the sun rises it is an opportunity to start with new strength, renewed hopes and the self-confidence we can make it. Have faith you can do it....and you will! It doesn't happen without commitment and effort....but it is possible. The first step is to recognize we are facing a loss...or that we have a loss from the past that is still blocking our growth and development. Do you think this time you can make the decision to face it, process the grief, and transform your life?

You can do it!

Remember as you transform your loss you can change your life!

Ligia/10

Success is relative

2010-08-23T22:33:00.004-04:00

There is so much talk about success. We may think it is related to money, fame, or power. However,...in reality, reality I think success has to do with congruency between your values and how you live your life.

We all have different aspirations in life. This is the reason why we shouldn't compare with others. What we should focus on is on finding purpose on what we do and strive to reach our ideal. Do not dwell on negative thoughts or thinking you are not able to aspire for more. You can be whatever you want to be! If you decide to be happy....you can! It is a matter of attitude....even in the midst of pain and crisis..those are circumstances, but your response is what matters. Life is an array of happy and difficult moments....as I say, valleys and mountains....get strong in the valleys and enjoy the mountains...but always strive to live the life that will make you feel successful. At the end of our lives what we take with us is the result of what we lived...how many lives we touched....how we used our talents to be successful. Decide today what will make you be successful and....go for it!

Remember....your life has meaning!

Ligia/10

Send yourself the right message

2010-08-22T21:56:00.003-04:00

It's so common to talk to oneself and give the wrong message. You may say, "I don't talk to myself"...we all do! Now, what matters is what you are saying. Do you praise yourself for your achievements (including the little ones) or do you put yourself down for your faults or mistakes? Are you aware of your self-talk?

Another way people send the wrong messages is saying what they don't want to be instead of what they want to become. For example, one can say: "I am a relaxed person." Instead of saying "I don't want to be anxious."

It is a matter of using affirmative words instead of negative sentences. You get so used to listen to your messages that you may be perpetuating what you do not want to be.

I know this because when I catch myself thinking something that doesn't serve me, I change it to an empowering message....and you can also do it!

Try it this week....and you may see a difference in all areas of your life..

Remember your life has meaning!

Ligia/10

Keep a Journal

2010-08-12T11:07:00.002-04:00

In life, we go through different experiences every single day. Some are happy, others sad. Some are challenging other are rewarding. It doesn't matter what these are, they impact our emotional state, and it may happen that we are not aware how this happens.
In order to create more insight and awareness about our experiences, we can record them in a journal. There are several types of journals you can do to keep track of your emotions, or you can also write one on what happens to you every day. Among the ones I have found more helpful are journals of:

Gratitude
Achievements
Goals
Challenges (you can transform them into opportunities)
Grieving Process

Some people get creative and do scrapbooks as journals. Other people use voice recorders (some people don't like to write much).

In reality, what matters is that you do it and develop the habit (remember it takes three weeks to develop one).

The beauty of journaling is that after sometime you can visit what you wrote and see how you have evolved in your life. It helps us to be in touch with ourselves.

Have a beautiful day,

Ligia/10

Life is a Gift

2010-07-16T12:29:00.005-04:00

Today is my birthday and I thank God for another year.

For giving me the opportunity to share with people I love this wonderful experience of being alive. It is the day when I evaluate how my previous year was. What lessons I learned....what did I accomplish....on which areas of my life I need to improve.

Because....life is a journey and each year is a crossroad where we choose which direction to take. Do we follow the same path? Do we make a slight turn? What we cannot do is a U turn, because we cannot go back in time. We can only learn from our past experiences.

So, this day is a new beginning...a new opportunity to continue embracing life with joy, gratitude and....much love!

I wish you a beautiful day,

Ligia/10

Freedom Starts in your Mind

2010-07-04T17:25:00.000-04:00

We have the blessing of living in a free country where we can become whoever we want to be, do whatever, we want to do and go wherever we want to go.

Still, many times we choose to stay in the same place; doing things we do not enjoy doing or dreaming to be the person we wish to be.

Why is this? What holds us back if we have the freedom in our hands?

As I reflect on this incongruence I realize that some of the chains that keep us prisoners in our world are imposed by us. We are responsible for not being “free.”

We put restrains in our capacity of growing, of learning, of loving. We set limitations, which start in our thoughts and expand into our behaviors.

Do you feel you have some limitations in your life? I invite you to evaluate every dimension in your life: physical, emotional, social and spiritual.

And then decide if you want to be free…

Have a beautiful day,

Ligia/10

You Have Choices

2010-06-29T07:33:00.001-04:00

Each time I work with a client, I realize the importance of reminding people they have choices, because we do! It is true that sometimes we face events over which we do not have control, still, we can choose our response to such situations.

Other times, we are faced with circumstances where we have the freedom to decide which path to follow, and we either make the wrong decision or stay paralyzed.

One of the reasons for not deciding to may be fear. The fear of making the wrong choice, fear of failure, of intimacy, or even, of success.

Many people live a life of conformity because they prefer what they already know instead of taking risks for new experiences that may better the condition of their lives.

Have you been postponing a decision because you are afraid or do not know what to do?

I invite you to take inventory of when was the last time you made a decision that improved the quality of your life. Remember always to consider the four dimensions: the physical, emotional, social and spiritual.

If you find areas where you haven't made decisions due to fear….evaluate if this fear is worthy to keep yourself from experiencing a more meaningful life.

Have a beautiful day,

Ligia/10

Acknowledge Vs Acceptance

2010-06-06T20:39:00.001-04:00

Recently, I finished a workshop on “Transform your Loss” in Miami, Florida. We covereddifferent losses, what is involved in grief, and the reason why they were taking the workshop. People had the opportunity to share and talk about their own experiences.

When we entered the phase of the Eleven Principles of Transformation,™ a participant posed an important question regarding the first principle, which is “Accept your Loss.”

She asked if it was the same as “acknowledging your loss.” After pausing for a second I responded to her that I twasa huge difference. When we aacknowledgesomething, we just know t an intellectual level, it has ocurred. When we accept a loss, we own our reality at an emotional level.

We can say, I acknowledge my sadness….but acceptance is owning those feelings and do something about them.

we accept something that is happening to us it empowers us, in the sense that it gives us choices about what we will do about it. It is the first step toward our transformation.

Now, I ask you….have you accepted your reality or just acknowledge it?

Have a beautiful day,

Ligia/10

Is it Easy to be Grateful?

2010-05-30T08:24:00.002-04:00

In this comment I want to explore how easy it is in reality to be grateful. Let's start by saying that when things are going great well...it is easy to be grateful!
And...when things go wrong? As we face a crisis...a difficult situation...even a loss?
Does it feel natural to feel and express gratitude?
It is not easy if we focus only on what has happened to us or what we don't have in our lives. But if we reframe our perspective, if we change the filter and focus on the things we STILL have, then, we can experience gratitude.

I teach an online class on Ethics and I meet weekly with my students to discuss different issues. Before we start our seminar, I ask them to share with the rest of the class something they feel grateful for that happened to them the previous week. Furthermore, before starting this practice (it is extra-curricular) I ask them if they want to do it...to my amazement and joy all of them want to take those minutes to share their gratitude.

So, what if you start changing the filter from what you don't have or miss...to what you still have in your life?

What do you have? How many people in your life you feel grateful for? From which situations have you learned that now you can be grateful for? Take a moment and think about it....then, write it down.

If you do this practice every single day, you will notice a HUGE change in your life.

I wish you a beautiful day,

Ligia/10

We can let go of past losses

2010-05-16T15:12:00.000-04:00

This past Tuesday I was touched by the persons who came to the workshop on “Transform your Loss” and how openly they shared about their losses. I realized once more the need we have to share with others and the beauty of letting go of what is holding us back.

What was also revealing is that some people attend the workshop thinking about a specific loss (present), but once they start sharing, they may realize there are losses in their past that haven’t been recognized or processed. This was the case of Bob (not his real name). He came to learn how to deal with losses in general and when he heard some participants sharing about the loss of a relationship, he remembered his own break-up, which had happened more than a year ago. As he said it was an “aha” moment.

Now I ask you…Do you have any loss from the past you haven’t resolved or let go? Do you keep resentments, anger, or grief? Do you want to forgive? Maybe it is time to do it now…

Have you ever written a history of your losses? Remember…losses are just part of our human condition. We do not have to fear them, but learn how to confront them and even, transform them.

I wish you a beautiful day,

Ligia/10

Each Person is Unique!

2010-04-24T20:58:00.003-04:00

Today was the last day of the World Religions class I teach at Miami Dade College. Each time a class is over....I get a little nostalgic because I care very much for my students and try to find the uniqueness on each one of them.
It is just wonderful to realize how unique we are. Each one of us has our own set of values, skills and talents. When I teach my course....I try with all my heart to connect with my students, and I have discovered how important it is for the students to be appreciated by who they are.

Religion is a subject matter that can be challenging for many if it is approached the wrong way. In class, we learn about the beauty of each religion, we develop respect for each other's beliefs and learn how to live in harmony despite our own beliefs.

I have taught this class for three years now, and it is always a gratifying experience. My students are wonderful and they shine when they are given the opportunity to show the beauty each one of them posses.

Now....I am getting ready to teach another Religion class in June!

Have you expanded your view on religions lately?

Have a beautiful day,

Ligia/10

Today's Author with guest Ligia Houben author of "Transform Your Loss"

2010-04-20T20:45:00.000-04:00

Today's Author with guest Ligia Houben author of "Transform Your Loss"

Who you think you are...you are!

2010-04-20T19:43:00.002-04:00

In my newsletter of tomorrow I will be talking about the power of our thoughts.
Many times in our lives we allow our thoughts to control our emotions and even our capacity to live a life with more meaning and fulfillment.

In reality, the idea we have in our minds of ourselves, is what we ultimately are. If we think we are successful, we are successful! If we think we are not capable of realizing a certain task or goal....we won't be able to do it.

Now, I ask you....do you think you can transform any loss in your life in a spiritual and personal growing experience? If you think you can...you will be able to!

Give yourself the opportunity to experience more out of this life.

Transform your loss or transition and change your life!

Have a beautiful day,

Ligia/10

Sharing our Stories

2010-04-12T15:46:00.000-04:00

We are living fast paced lives and hardly taking time to listen to one another...It seems that our communication with one another is becoming more distant. Now, instead of talking to each other, we either email or text.

If we don't pay attention we may lose that "human touch" that is ingrained in our ability to connect to others through words, gestures, or...sharing. What do we share? We can share time, accomplishments, losses.....what about sharing our stories? Do you have a story to tell? Do you listen to the stories of others?

In primitive cultures, traditions were passed on orally. People shared their stories. It is in sharing our stories that we can once more, connect to each other and see what is really important in our lives. As we listen to the stories of others....be present, don't judge, don't try to fix....just listen with a compassionate ear.

And then....tell your story.

The Miami Herald Publishes Article by Ligia Houben

2010-04-05T21:32:00.002-04:00

Posted on Monday, Mar. 29, 2010

Dealing with loss in the workplace

By LIGIA M. HOUBEN

Losses are part of life. A colleague lost his wife in a car accident. A fellow employee lost her home. Your supervisor is goingthrough a divorce. All these transitions are losses experienced by people every day, but do we acknowledge them at the workplace? Unfortunately it doesn't happen on a regular basis.
Grief is the natural response to loss and it can have a huge effect on how we experience life. It can be manifested at various levels and in different dimensions, such as the physical, social, emotional and spiritual. How can you respond as a manager, supervisor or HR representative in such circumstances? Are you prepared to handle grief at the workplace?
SUPPRESSED ISSUES

Feedback over Failure

2010-04-04T18:08:00.004-04:00

In many areas of our lives, we engage in tasks, relationships, or goals, that many times do not work for us, and we may see them as a failure. However, what about if instead of naming our setbacks a failure....we call them a feedback?

As a coach, I like to help my clients reframe their perspective from finding fault and dwelling on their mistakes to getting feedback and learning from their actions. It can cause a change from a perspective of low self-esteem, guilt, and shame, to one of empowerment and personal development.

I invite you to take a piece of paper and write a list of things you have done in the past that you feel you have "failed" and reframe them into a feedback.

What did you learn?

How can you make it different next time?

How did this action change your life?

Remember, you can always transform a failure into a feedback...it depends on your perspective!

Have a beautiful day,

Ligia/10

Are you Anxious?

2010-03-17T11:36:00.000-04:00

In our lives, we are exposed to different situations that may provoke on us uncomfortable feelings, such as anxiety. Do you experience it regularly? Do you constantly say "I am anxious"?

I suggest that first, explore what is making you feel anxious. How do you do this? Well, next time you feel that sensation of "butterflies in your stomach" or your heart pounding really fast, stop. Take a pause and observe your thoughts. What were you thinking? What made you have that thought? What is originating the anxious sensation? What matters the most is to know the cause of your anxiety so you can decide what to do about it. Many people say "I don't know why I am anxious" but...maybe they haven't taken the time to explore the cause.

The followings are three things you can do to handle your anxiety:

Practice meditation even if it is for 5-10 mnts a day. Sit in a comfortable position. Close your eyes and focus on your breathing.

Write down your thoughts on a journal and then evaluate them and notice, which are the most prevalent.

Do some kind of exercise, like walking or yoga. It helps to release any tension.

Try these things for three weeks and you will see a change in your life.

I would love to hear your comments...

Have a beautiful day,

Ligia/10

Opportunity to Grow after a Loss

2010-03-10T20:01:00.001-05:00

As we face a loss or transition we may wonder how can this be an opportunity to grow and at first instance it may be impossible to even imagine. The most important thing is to start on a path of personal and spiritual growth even in the early stages of you loss. Once you gain control of your life you can develop the potential you have within yourself to transform you loss. The desire to move forward is what can generate enough will to take the necessary steps to transform your loss and regain a sense of life. In carrying out these steps, you will integrate the loss into your life in a special way, without it causing you so much suffering, and thus learn to live a new reality.

This is taken from my book Transform your Loss. Your Guide to Strength and Hope

www.transformyourloss.com

Have a beautiful day,

Ligia/10

Loss of a Job

2010-03-01T19:22:00.002-05:00

In my last newsletter I wrote about the Loss of a Job and received many responses from people who identified with the message or found it helpful. In this post I want to include a section from my book Transform Your Loss. Your Guide to Strength and Hope

A MOMENT OF REFLECTION

• How long ago did you lose your job?
• What happened?
• What was your reaction?
• Did you share it with your family?
• What are your fears?

The period of confrontation of a loss is a time in our lives when we experience a lot of confusion and vulnerability. I especially recommend that you not take important decisions in the early days after your job loss, as you can act impulsively, and you may regret your decision. Give yourself a reasonable time and then re-evaluate to see if this decision is what you want.

Have a beautiful day,

Ligia/10

Listen to your Inner Voice

2010-02-23T19:00:00.004-05:00

As we go on with our lives we face situations when we need to make decisions. We may have different options and do not know what to do. Many times we chose the easy way out to regret it afterwords. Something that never goes wrong is our inner voice. Listen to it. Think about the last time you made a choice and it was not the best. Did you do what your "little voice" told you to do? Some people call this an instinct or intuition. I prefer to call it the Inner Self. When I work with clients, especially doing guided meditation, I invite them to visit their Inner Self...that part of our being, that at times is neglected, but that has all the answers. Next time you are in doubt...listen to it. You may be surprised.

Have a beautiful day,

Ligia/10

My book - Transform Your Loss

2010-02-18T19:04:00.002-05:00

Testimonials

"In her seminar--The Meaning of Memories at the End of Life--Ms. Houben has provided information to health care professionals across the country that allows them to assist their patients and the community to the best of their ability. Through research and professional experience, Ms. Houben is able to inform students and professionals about strategies, in the areas of spiritual and emotional needs, that are best suitable in various circumstances as well as techniques that target the needs of different cultures. Her dedication to health care education provides us with resources that helps us better ourselves, patient care, and improve our efforts to assist those in need. We are honored to have her on our team and look forward to continuing our joint endeavor."
--Emma Carreon, M.A.

UTHSC San Antonio

Transform Your Challenge into Opportunity

2010-02-17T15:45:00.000-05:00

In our lives, we may find ourselves facing situations or tasks that seem too demanding, difficult or painful. How do you respond to them? Do you become overwhelmed, distraught or stressed out?

Do you wish to change your response? Then change your attitude.

I have come to realize that in life most things are as we perceive them to be, and this has everything to do with our attitude. As the inspirational thinker, Zig Ziglar, says and others such as business philosopher, Jim Rohm, also believe, “It’s not what happens to you that determines how far you will go in life; it is how you handle what happens to you.”

What do you do with what happens to you in your life? Do you complain, dwell on it, focus on the negative? Do you get into a rut and move in furniture? Or do you find ways to see the positives, such as becoming stronger and growing as a person? And what of your spirituality? Can you develop your spirituality despite your suffering?

On my life path, I encounter many, many people experiencing loss, including the loss of a loved one, and have seen miracles happen in their lives when they take their tremendous pain and transform it into an opportunity for spiritual growth. People are amazing. You are amazing.
Remember that as you transform your challenge into opportunity. You can make things happen in your life. It all depends on you.

Have a beautiful day!

Transform Your Challenge into Opportunity

2010-02-16T10:54:00.000-05:00

In our lives, we may find ourselves facing situations or tasks that seem too demanding, difficult or painful. How do you respond to them? Do you become overwhelmed, distraught or stressed out?
Do you wish to change your response? Then change your attitude.
I have come to realize that in life most things are as we perceive them to be, and this has everything to do with our attitude. As the inspirational thinker, Zig Ziglar, says and others such as business philosopher, Jim Rohm, also believe, “It’s not what happens to you that determines how far you will go in life; it is how you handle what happens to you.”
What do you do with what happens to you in your life? Do you complain, dwell on it, focus on the negative? Do you get into a rut and move in furniture? Or do you find ways to see the positives, such as becoming stronger and growing as a person? And what of your spirituality? Can you develop your spirituality despite your suffering?
On my life path, I encounter many, many people experiencing loss, including the loss of a loved one, and have seen miracles happen in their lives when they take their tremendous pain and transform it into an opportunity for spiritual growth. People are amazing. You are amazing.
Remember that as you transform your challenge into opportunity. You can make things happen in your life. It all depends on you.
Have a beautiful day!

Ligia/10

What Kind of Life Do You Want to Have Tomorrow?

2010-01-28T08:15:00.000-05:00

It is almost the end of the first month of 2010, and I wonder if you have made choices to meet some of the goals or intentions you set for yourself at the start of the year. If not, what has stopped you? Be mindful of the fact that you have the choice to act and make your intentions real.
The life you have is the result of the choices you make every day, consciously or unconsciously. Your unconscious “choices” are a result of early conditioning and are like pre-programmed reflexes.
I recently wrote about responding versus reacting. We may not be aware of how our thinking determines our responses or reactions, but if we begin observing our thoughts and the messages we give ourselves, we can modify the thoughts that influence our feelings and choices.
What kind of life do you want to have tomorrow? Make a list of five things you want to change in your life and start making today the choices that will bring you a more fulfilling future.
You have the ability to transform any situation by making the decision today.
Have a beautiful life,
Ligia/10

Do You Respond Or React?

2010-01-25T08:52:00.000-05:00

In our daily lives we confront situations that may be too demanding, challenging or uncomfortable for us. How do you behave? Do you respond or react? What is the difference between the two?
When we react we are allowing ourselves to behave automatically, almost reflexively. When we choose to respond, we reflect and think about how to handle the situation, taking into account the consequences of our actions.
Do you find yourself reacting or responding on a regular basis?
One of the most common reasons for reacting is stress. If one feels overwhelmed and irritable, one may not have the ability to regulate one’s emotions, reacting in ways that may be detrimental for oneself and others.
Some of the ways in which you can control your emotions and lower your chances of reacting are:
• Observe your thoughts
• Examine your attitudes
• Learn breathing techniques
• Incorporate meditation
Next time you encounter a difficult situation, remember to be flexible and apply one or more of these techniques…you may be surprised how well they work!
To learn more about managing your stress in a holistic manner, register for my stress-relief workshop at: http://www.prlog.org/10500495-stress-relief-workshop-with-ligia-houben.html

Have a beautiful day,
Ligia/10

Practice Happiness

2010-01-15T08:50:00.000-05:00

Even in the midst of difficulties, you can choose to be happy.

Happiness is about attitude. Nobody or any external factor can “make” you happy. How often have we heard people say things like, "When I get the perfect job or meet the love of my life, then I will be happy," or, "When the economy gets better, I will finally be happy"?

In truth, being happy is a choice. We know of many people who may be rich, with the best job and a great partner, and still are miserable. How is this possible? It is because inside, they are unhappy, unsatisfied and always wanting more.

If you are facing a tough and challenging situation you have two choices: dwell on misery and suffer through or choose to be happy on the inside and carry joy in your heart. This is not easy and at times you may slip back to feeling sorry for yourself, but...the more you choose joy the easier it gets to experience joy. Practice being happy and before you know it, happiness will come naturally.

Have a beautiful day,

Ligia/10

Have you written a life plan?

2010-01-08T02:36:00.000-05:00

In my last post, I mentioned the importance of transforming any loss or transition this year in order to be happier and live with a purpose. For transformation to happen, we need to know what we want to change and where we want to go. Do you have a life plan, or do you just take the days, weeks and months as they come?

If the latter is your established pattern…it is time to change it! You can make things happen! Now is the ideal time to decide whether to live in a reactive or proactive manner.

As 2010 begins, fresh opportunities meet us. We are beginning a new decade that will be wonderful and prosperous if we all work on ourselves. The results will be exponential and have an impact at a global level.

Transition begins with us. Gandhi said it best: “Be the change you wish to see in the world.”

I urge you today….be that change. Get out a pen and begin the powerful exercise of committing your hopes and goals to paper. You have the resources to transform any situation in your life and live with meaning!

Ligia/10

Learn how to write a life plan in my book, Transform Your Loss: Your Guide to Strength and Hope., based on the Eleven Principles of Transformation™

Transforming 2010!

2010-01-04T09:44:00.000-05:00

January 4th, 2010

Some of you may have experienced a loss in 2009 and are carrying emotions from the event into the new year.

Many people would like to move forward from loss but don’t know how to do so. In my book, Transform Your Loss: Your Guide to Strength and Hope, I present an 11-principles system that takes you from the first step—accepting your loss—to visualizing and living the life you want.

On Saturday, I was having dinner with some friends. One of them told me that recovering from loss takes time and is part of the natural flow of life. True, but you can help determine the quality of your life and heal. You can choose to stay in the pits, complaining, and feeling sorry for yourself, or you can face your situation, take correct action, and believe that you will bounce back.

If you want recovery to be truly transformational, engage in the process.

Make 2010 your year of transformation!

Ligia/10

Keeping a journal

2010-01-02T13:16:00.000-05:00

January 2nd, 2010

I believe that a great resolution for the year is to keep a journal. Today, I reviewed both my agenda and my 2009 journal. This was very enlightening. I could see the areas where I grew and what I need to focus on this year to become a better person—personally and professionally.

We are always in motion. We need to embrace change, expansion and growth. Did you keep a journal last year? Have you read it?

Sometimes we write just to write...and never revisit our thoughts. Today I invite you to review your words. You may be surprised by the wonderful things you achieved…and may not have been aware of accomplishing.

Now is the time to prepare yourself to receive the things you know and feel will enhance your life in 2010…and beyond. Make this a year of expansion and transformation!

Ligia/10

Find more ways to move forward this year in my book, Transform Your Loss: Your Guide to Strength and Hope.

First Reflection of 2010!

2010-01-01T13:15:00.000-05:00

January 1st, 2010

What a special day today is…the first day of the year and of the decade! It is also an ideal day to start re-evaluating the various facets of our lives—spiritual, physical and social—and learn which area needs improvement.

Or even better…we can pinpoint the area in which we can have a breakthrough.

It is totally up to us whether we live without planning or appreciate the many opportunities we have and choose goals with true meaning. I urge going deeper than picking a New Year’s Resolution. We need to understand the intention and value of our goals, see the benefit of achieving them, and imagine how we will feel at the end of the year after we accomplish them.

Have you ever put together an “Action Board” that gives you a visual reference to everything you wish to achieve?

Create one and place it in a spot where you can see it regularly. You will be amazed by how inspired you feel and become!

Have a meaningful 2010!

Ligia/10

Move forward in 2010 with me. Pick up and share a copy of my book, Transform Your Loss: Your Guide to Strength and Hope.

Last Reflection of 2009

2009-12-31T09:20:00.000-05:00

As we approach the end of 2009 we may be experiencing an array of emotions. Many people are experiencing a sense of relief the year is over and want to get rid of all those unfortunate things that happened to them in the year. Some of these things may have been under their control, some may have not.

Nevertheless, everybody wants to start the year fresh, more light, and with great attitude.

Being a great believer of rituals (an action which has meaning) I bring to you some suggestions you can use at anytime, but especially if you want to do a special ritual as the year ends:Write on a piece of paper something that happened in 2009 that you don’t want in your life and burn it.

Visualize balloons taking away the things you don’t want in your life in 2010.

Forgive yourself and others for mistakes or wrong actions made in 2009

Write down the things that happened in 2009 that you didn’t like but that you had control over them and….plan to take action for 2010!

I wish you and your family many blessings for 2010!

Ligia/09

Sharing Special Times

2009-12-17T02:54:00.000-05:00

As we approach Christmas many people are running around shopping, getting the best deals, and running around without taking the time to think what does this mean in reality. That present that you are buying...do you "have to buy it" or do you "want to buy it"?
In some cases it may be that you feel you "must" buy something for that person...but even then, make the choice to wanting to buy something that person would like, and the whole perspective will change. The value of a present is not on how much it costs but how much interest we invest in acquiring it.

Remember, it may have more value a box of chocolate than.....well, an expensive piece of jewerly if this was not bought and given with sentiment.

In anything you do.. show you care...

Happy Holidays!

Ligia/09

This is the Season...

2009-12-03T07:02:00.000-05:00

We have officially started the Holiday Season. Are you in the spirit? What does it mean really? To feel like going shopping, celebrating, or reflecting on what this means?

As we go out and see all the ornaments, we may feel nostalgia if we are not "in the mood," or joy if we love Christmas. This is just a response to an external stimuli. What matters most is to know what is going inside of us to make us feel that way. Take a pad and pen and write down what you are experiencing. How are you feeling? What are you thinking that makes you feel that way?

The more in touch you are with your feelings the more awareness you have of yourself.

Despite how you think or feel...remember you can always change your thoughts to something that, even in the midst of pain or sorrow, can bring a smile to your face. In my case....I think about my elder mom, who is 90.

It always bring a sweet and loving memory...

Have a blessed Holiday Season!

Ligia/09

After Thanksgiving...

2009-11-27T06:39:00.000-05:00

Now that we celebrated Thanksgiving, I hope we don't forget to continue giving thanks.

We officially start the Holiday Season, and it can get very busy and demanding between our personal and professional affairs. Things to do, time to share, gifts to buy.

Still....the greatest gift we can give to others is the gift of love and care. How can we do this? Well...showing how much we care with our time, our presence and our attention.

These days can feel overwhelming and stressful but let's don't allow these emotions to get to us. Let's take a moment and observe our thoughts. Then let's refocus them to someone of something that brings joy to your life....and be grateful for that.

Your feeling will change immediately, and you will truly enjoy the Holidays...

Happy and Blessed Holidays!

Ligia/09

The Power of Gratitude

2009-11-20T04:51:00.000-05:00

Back in September I wrote about being grateful but because in a few days we will be celebrating Thanksgiving. This is a special day to give thanks and share with family and friends.

Now, why to wait until that day to be grateful for what we have? Every day should be an opportunity to give thanks for what we have. I suggest making a list of 20 things you can give thanks for, starting for the small things...then you move to the most meaningful ones. In times of difficulties, keep in mind those things you have in your life and be grateful....it could even change your perpective on the situation you are facing.

Remember that if we focus on what we still have instead of what we are missing, we can have a better and happier life.

Have a beautiful and happy Thanksgiving!

Ligia/09

The Power of Transformation

2009-11-05T02:05:00.000-05:00

Because this coming week is a special day as I launch the book "Transform your Loss. Your Guide to Strength and Hope" on November 11th, the day of my father's death anniversary, made me ponder on the power of transformation and how much we can do with just shifting our attitude, our thoughts and therefore, our actions.

When something unexpected happens to us, being the death of a loved one, loss of health, job, divorce, finances....or any other difficult transition, we experience great pain (we grieve), and sometimes we stay in that place for a long time...not doing anything about it.

This reminds me of the words of Zig Ziglar when he says that we cannot change what happens to us, but what we can still choose what we do about it....we can choose to stay in a dark place, stagnated, not growing, or take that situation, find meaning in it, and transform it into an opportunity of either spiritual growth or personal strength.
The transformation can take time, but it starts with accepting the loss or situation in an intellectually and emotional manner.

In the following posts, we will continue elaborating on this journey...

Have a beautiful day,

Ligia/09

Keep Focused

2009-10-31T14:31:00.000-04:00

Following the same subject matter, in order to stay committed we need to be focused on what we want to achieve or become. Nowadays this task could be somewhat challenging taking into account the many projects we may get involved with, so many stimuli we receive at a daily basis, and trying to keep up with our social interactions, being in person or virtual.

So, how do we keep focused?

First, prioritizing what is important to us.

Second, preparing an action plan on what we need to focus on.

Third, implementing a schedule in order to allow time to focus on what is important, disregarding distractions for the selected time

Fourth, continuously revising if we are concentrating on our commitment,

Fifth, acknowledging to yourself how good you feel in achieving what you committed to and continue planning for the following step on your action plan.

Before you know it....you will realize what you have been focusing on...and you will feel really, really good with yourself!

Have a beautiful week-end,

Ligia/09

Stay Committed

2009-10-24T17:57:00.000-04:00

As I write this post I realize how long it has been since my last message, and it had to do with a lack of discipline to write on a regular base, because I was taking care of previous commitments.

I found this reflection insightful because once more I came to the conclusion that we shouldn't commit to several things at the same time, unless we are sure they do not conflict with one another.

Now, before I say I will commit to something, including writing on my blog, I will pay close attention to what is possible and realistically doable.

Do you find yourself committing to things you may not do at the end? What has prevented you for making this happen? Unexpected situations or.....lack of enthusiasm or purpose?

Write on a paper five things you have committed to do in the last three months. Did you do what you said you would? Take a pause and reflect....and then, make a commitment you know you will be able to maintain.

Have a beautiful day,

Ligia/09

Does Acceptance mean Passivity?

2009-10-04T05:47:00.000-04:00

In my book Transform your Loss. Your Guide to Strength and Hope I say that "Acceptance" is the first principle in order to transform your transition or loss.
Some people have asked me, "So, does this mean I just have to accept with resignation?"

I have responded that to accept is to acknowledge the situation one is facing (even if it is very painful or difficult) and observe it, without judgment. It does not necessarily mean one approves it, but that one knows what the reality is.

I find great value in the serenity prayer as it starts with accepting what one cannot change. It all depends on our own attitude. And sometimes it is trough a crisis that we have the opportunity to grow personally and spiritually. So...accept the situation you are facing and then choose what to do about it.

For those of you who don't know how the serenity prayer is, I share it with you the first, and most known, paragraph:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

Have a beautiful day,

Ligia/09

How to develop Spiritual Strength

2009-09-27T11:41:00.000-04:00

In the first post I mentioned some of the internal resources we have and how we can make use of them as we face a transition or loss. In this post I would like to talk about our spiritual strength. Notice I am not referring to a particular religious belief or denomination (although this also helps) but to our spiritual essence. When we focus on our spiritual strength we learn to live more in the now and on being instead or having or doing. We become aware of our essence as human beings and what brings us peace and tranquility. We act from a space filled with faith and hope, which are resources we will develop in our next post.

If we want to develop our spiritual strength we can also learn to live more in a state of gratitude and forgiveness, which are two vital tools that bring joy to our lives.

Now….I ask you….Are you grateful? Do you appreciate your life on a daily basis? Do you express your gratitude?

Have a beautiful day,

Ligia/09

Transforming Our Transitions

2009-09-27T10:50:00.000-04:00

We all go through life transitions and it depends on us how we take them. Do we use our resources or we complain about what has happened to us?

When I coach or counsel with people who may be facing a loss, one of the greatest issues I encounter is that they are not aware of the great resources they have inside themselves to face their situation and to even transform it.

Some of these resources are spiritual strength, hope, faith, and personal awareness. The more we remain in touch with our inner self the greater the possibility to use those valuable tools and find some meaning and growth in our transition.

Have a beautiful day,

Ligia/09